Why do we cheat…

on diets, of course. What else would I be talking about?

by brianna.lehman on Flickr

As I mentioned earlier, I’m pregnant. A month or so ago, I also learned that I have gestational diabetes. Since the diagnosis, I have noticed that when I follow the eating plan, certain stomach issues are virtually non-existent. Then, when I realized I could “cheat” and my blood sugar was okay (most of the time), well, I started cheating more. Then certain stomach issues returned and I would feel… blah (dizzy, unfocused, sleepy, etc.) after eating whatever it was I wasn’t “supposed to” eat. So why do I cheat? If eating “the right foods” makes me feel better physically and mentally (and is better for my baby!!), then why would I even want to eat “the wrong foods”?

I’ve been on and off of diets most of my life and there are two important lessons that it took me far too long to learn:

1) It took a lifetime to put this weight on, it’s not coming off over night (translation: quit looking at the pills and gimmicks that promise rapid weight loss, dammit!)

2) A diet is simply the food you eat. Nothing more. Nothing less. You can have a diet filled with healthy foods, a diet filled with unhealthy foods, or a mix of the two.

I believe I have to be careful with that first one, though. There is the potential to use that as an excuse to maintain the status quo and continue with unhealthy habits.

If I truly believe that second one, though, then why do I have such a problem making healthier choices and feeling so guilty when I splurge? Why am I craving chocolate right now? I was discussing this with a friend of mine and she said, “Here’s my theory – because you (and I’ll put myself right in this category because I know this is how I think) label it a ‘diet’, and with a ‘diet’ comes restrictions, and dammit, you just don’t want to live your life by restrictions. Any ‘diet’ I’ve ever tried I always get the mentality of ‘Of course I CAN have whatever I want, you can’t tell me I CAN’T’ – and then I blow the diet.” I have wise friends.

To try to get a little more insight on why we cheat, I also turned to Google and I was shocked! The first page is chock full of “Go ahead! Cheat!” type findings. What?! Apparently, yes. Go ahead. Indulge. But here are some recurring themes I saw: moderation, control, no guilt, indulge then return to healthy habits.

One article I liked gave 5 rules to cheating on your diet and suggested “indulge and still lose weight” by following those 5 “simple rules”.

1.  Get over the guilt.

“Nothing is forbidden”. For the biblically-minded, read 1 Corinthians 10:23: “’Everything is permissible’ – but not everything is beneficial. ‘Everything is permissible’ – but not everything is constructive.”  Paul says it a little differently in 1 Corinthians 6:12-13: “’Everything is permissible for me’ – but not everything is beneficial. ‘Everything is permissible for me’ – but I will not be mastered by anything. ‘Food for the stomach and the stomach for food’…”

Supposedly, once I accept that nothing is forbidden, guilt is banned. But I say, “Guilt, in the words of Chicago, you’re a hard habit to break.” Thinking about that, though, I know I can do it. I’ve done it before. See the disclaimer section at the bottom of this post. That was primarily in music performance for me, but perhaps I can apply that to food as well. Interesting.

2.  If you cheat, make sure to do it in a public place.

I laughed out loud at that one. I am SO guilty (oops) of this! Confession: I sneak food (and now, doggoneit, my husband knows! Never mind that he probably already knew). Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hoard it or hide it in my room or around the house. I simply indulge when others aren’t around. I would say it’s because I have kids and don’t want them to see me and my bad habit. Or that I don’t want to get “food police” going by cheating, I mean indulging, in front of other adults. But considering I’ve been sneaking food for a long time, it’s no one’s fault but my own and will be a habit I believe I’ll need to break in order to move past the “cheating” mentality and the feelings of guilt that go along with that mentality.

3.  Break the chain that links cheating with a lack of willpower.

There is the stigma of “failure” that comes with perceived cheating, but I believe if you can “get over the guilt” and not hide or sneak indulging, this will come. I also believe that if I could truly view “diet” as simply the food I eat – whatever that food may be – it would be huge step in breaking this chain.

4.  Don’t try to be an angel.  Aim for progress, not perfection.

Yeah, see #1 and the recovering perfectionist bit then wish me luck!  My aforementioned friend also told me about something a nutritionist said that’s possibly the best advice either of us has heard – and it was echoed in this section of the article: “No one can diet 100% of the time. No one can be good 100% of the time. It’s not realistic. Eat good 80-85% of the time. The other 15-20%? Whatever.” She went on to say, “It all comes down to moderation, and making it a lifestyle and not a diet.” In getting things back under control after a recent trip to Asia, she found a calorie tracking website she loves. “But even though I’m tracking calories, and making better overall food choices, I still eat sweets. Last night I had a brownie. I’ve been eating Hershey’s minis. I just portion control it. That seems to be the realistic way I need to eat in my life so that I stay in control because when you tell me I ‘CAN’T’ have something… you can bet I will. I had a Chick-Fil-A milkshake for lunch the other day, and darn it, it was good.”

I think I’ve said before that gluttony is my favorite sin. “Moderation” and “portion control” on things that I like to indulge in… well, that’s an oxymoron. BUT! Perhaps even that can change when I change the way I think about food, occasional indulging, and changing my view of “diet”.

5.  It’s absolutely OK, and even appropriate, to skip certain meals!

In other words, only eat when you’re hungry. Another article took this one a step further and suggests analyzing why you cheated and then coming up with an alternate plan for what to do next time. I’ve gotten better about this. If I know I’m going out to eat at a favorite restaurant in the evening, I do my best to make better choices during the day. I’ve even gotten better about eating when bored – finding something else to do rather than grabbing something sugary and/or fatty. I don’t do so hot when I’m wanting “comfort food”, though. Because sometimes you just want a Chick-Fil-A milkshake. Or a brownie. Or Hershey’s minis. And that’s okay because, darn it, they’re good!

What are reasons you find yourself “cheating” on diets? Any thoughts on “lifestyle” versus “diet”?

American Dream?

Sand Castle by caitlinator on Flickr

I love music and a lot of what I listen to often makes me think. I can listen to a song one day and it’s good. I enjoy it. I can hear the same song another day, in another frame of mind, and it smacks me.

Casting Crowns’ “American Dream” did that to me the other day. I don’t believe I’m living that song. I don’t believe my husband is either for that matter. But it gives a really good (and hard) message to those who are chasing the American dream (which, honestly, wouldn’t that be all of us?)

At least part of the song is based on Matthew 7:24-27. This is last part of the “Sermon on the Mount.” Jesus has just chosen the disciples, a large crowd has gathered and he starts teaching them, beginning with the Beatitudes (Matthew 5). He closes by telling the listeners that whoever hears what He’s saying and puts it into practice is like a builder who built his house on a rock. Whoever does not hear or does not put His words into practice is like a foolish builder who built his house on sand. When rains come and wind blows, the house built on the rock stands because it has a firm foundation. The house built on sand? Yeah, it’s toast. It’s gone. “It fell with a great crash.”

The song tells the story of a man who is determined to give his family the finer things in life. He works long hours trying to build it himself. As a result of all that work, he misses things that are important to his wife and son and eventually loses them – the whole reason he was working so hard to begin with. He tells himself and his wife that things will get better, “we just need more time.”  The last few words of the song are, “All they really wanted was you.”   And that’s just it. A mom or dad can work hard to provide their family with “the finer things in life” but, you know what? All your child wants is you. All your spouse wants is you.

“He works and he builds with his own two hands.”

We often try to build our life all by ourselves and that’s our first mistake. We can’t do it on our own. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord…” (Jeremiah 29:11). “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord…” (Psalm 37:23). “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9). “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

“He pours all he has in a castle made of sand.”

Our foundation is often unsteady, like shifting sand, or nonexistent. That’s our second mistake. We need God. And when we let Him in and when we trust Him, our house is built on the Rock. Yes, trials and hardships come. That’s life. But those trials and hardships don’t destroy us because we have faith that God will help us through whatever comes our way.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it? But I’m sure you know it’s not.

It’s hard to have faith that things will work out when your newborn is in the hospital and doctors are convinced she won’t survive, much less thrive. It’s hard to have faith that things will work out when you have no job and money is, essentially, nonexistent and bills are coming in and the car has broken down. Again. It’s hard to have faith that things will work out when your spouse of almost 20 years comes home one day and wants a divorce for reasons that, to you, are vague and sound nothing like the person you thought you knew. It’s hard to have faith that things will work out when all you’ve known is a world of drug abuse and dysfunctional relationships – trying desperately to become free from it, to get your life together, but things just… Keep. Falling. Apart.

It’s hard.

But it’s at EXACTLY those times that we have to lean the hardest on God. It’s these trials that can make our relationship with God even stronger. It’s these trials that can make us and our relationships with others stronger.

It’s the trial of having a child with disabilities that prompts parents to become advocates for the disabled. It’s the trial of losing your job that prompts you to try other fields or to learn ways to stretch a dollar that you never imagined possible. It’s the trial of divorce that prompts you to step out and grow. It’s the trial of getting back on your feet and out of a world of dysfunction that makes you a stronger person who is then able to help others get out and get up.

It works out. Maybe not the way we wanted it to or the way we envisioned it. But it works out.

The newborn mentioned above was my daughter. She’s now 7 and shows absolutely no signs of ever having any birth trauma. And you know what? Even if she hadn’t survived or even if she did have all the things wrong with her that doctors said she should have had… I feel certain. We’d be okay.

What got us through it? God. Plain and simple. If my husband and I hadn’t had a relationship with Him to begin with, I’m not sure what would’ve happened. As a result of that trial, our relationship with God was strengthened and our relationship with each other was strengthened.

“I’ll take a shack on the rock over a castle in the sand”

There’s nothing wrong with having the finer things in life. But we have to keep perspective. What good are the finer things in life if you lose your family in the process? What good are the finer things in life if you lose your soul? Yeah, sure, go out and party and indulge – eat, drink and be merry. But when it’s all said and done, would you truly – honestly – be happy? Or complete? Would you have any real support should a hardship come?

Build your house on the rock. We can’t do it on our own.

What’s your story? Has there been a time in your life when you definitely saw/felt God at work? Has there been a time when you weren’t sure He was there, but looking back, you can now see that He was? Anything where  you felt or still feel He wasn’t there? Leave a comment and let me know.

Tags: Faith, Life

De-Cluttering Update

Well, I have a shiny sink (most days). My counters are relatively clutter free and I’m loving actually having counter space to work on. I wasn’t able to part with the paint can turned Halloween can or the cool Russian wine bottle. The can is actually quite good at holding pencils and pens. I plan to incorporate the bottle into decorating. Somewhere. Somehow. It really is cool.

My next task was to be the dining room, but this week has been primarily working to maintain my kitchen cleanliness.

The table will be my biggest challenge in the dining room. One corner is filled with our daughter’s art projects and paraphernalia. Another corner is Halloween candy. Yes, Halloween candy. And my rice cooker. You see, I didn’t have room on the counters to put it in the kitchen, so I put it on the corner of the dining table near an outlet. I suppose I can put it back in the kitchen now. Novel idea, huh?  Then the other half is primarily mail and crap that needs to be shredded or tossed.

One question comes to mind as I work on these things: How does this tie into More 2 This Life? Is my de-cluttering and cleaning basically the same thing as just trying to make it through the day, same old same old? Perhaps on some level, yes. But I also believe that if my home is clean, tidy, peaceful, etc. then we’ll feel that way when we’re at home. How many sayings have you heard regarding one’s home? Here are a few I found:

Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam, be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home. (John Howard Payne)

He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home. (van Goethe)

Home is the most popular, and will be the most enduring of all earthly establishments. (Channing Pollock)

I believe that being successful means having a balance of success stories across the many areas of your life. You can’t truly be considered successful in your business life if your home life is in shambles. (Zig Ziglar)

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort. (Jane Austen)

I think the best thing I can do is to be a distraction. A husband lives and breathes his work all day long. If he comes home to more table thumping, how can the poor man ever relax? (Jackie Kennedy)

Now I realize that last quote will likely trigger some feelings about women being oppressed and all that not-so-good stuff, but that’s another post. I also believe that Ziglar’s quote refers to more than just the physical state of the home, but that’s maybe another post one day too. The bottom line is that all of these quotes describe the home as a place to get away, find peace, find comfort, find distraction from work, a place that you can go and just be yourself and not worry. Do you really believe you can find all that in the midst of clutter? I can’t. I may enjoy sitting and doing nothing for a bit, but the chaos will eventually get to me.

Having a place you can come into and be comfortable, be at peace, and just be yourself – THAT, to me, is an important part to an abundant life.

And that’s how all this de-cluttering fits into finding More 2 This Life.

Shiny Sink Confessions

I have a confession.

I didn’t shine my sink last night.

But I have a VERY good reason!

Really!

You see, a certain 7 year old girl wanted a sleepover with her mommy in the guest room.

And I believe that 7 year old girl is way more important than shining my sink.

A Response to “Whatever Will Be, Will Be”?

by lepiaf.geo on Flickr

Holy Moly!! So this apparently is a time for me to be getting smacked around, because again on Twitter, something smacked me upside the head, neck, and shoulders. Someone tweeted a link to an article and simply said, “STOP what you are doing right now. STOP. Now read this and analyze yourself.” It was a link to an article on Copyblogger titled “On Dying, Mothers, and Fighting for Your Ideas.”

I’m torn here, now. Do I go on to tell you about it or do I let you read it for yourself? Can I trust you to read it for yourself? Or should I make it easy on you by telling about it and then you can go read it to get the full OMG impact of it? I’ll go with the latter…

It opens with a mother getting the news that her then 1 yo baby has a form of muscular dystrophy called Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA). Diagnosed this early, the doctor doesn’t expect the boy to live to the age of 2. But this mother is determined. The doctor may have given up on her son, but she won’t. Most children with SMA eventually come down with pneumonia and die because they are too weak to fight it off. This mother decides that her son won’t have to fight it off. She’ll fight for him.

Over the next 16 years, he got pneumonia 16 times and she was with him each and every time, fighting it off for him. Beating on his chest and back to loosen the mucus. She had a team of specialists. She pushed him to be great. When his elementary school wanted him to leave, she fought for him to stay. She talked a basketball coach into changing the rules a bit so he could be a “ball carrier” – no one could take the ball from him. When he could no longer hold a pencil or raise his hand, she hired assistants.

His fight continues as he moves up in the world. He has had to fight to get people to listen to him. People haven’t expected much out of him because he is disabled and he fights against those expectations. He goes on to say:

“It’s not a matter of persistence or strength or attitude, as some people think. It’s a matter of shame.How could I possibly look my mother and father and all of the others who have sacrificed so much for me in the eye and tell them, “I can’t?” I couldn’t bear it. The shame of dishonoring their sacrifice by giving up would poison my soul.”

And so he fights. I really REALLY encourage you to go read his post. Paraphrasing doesn’t do it justice and the section on how he continues fighting is just chock full of awesome.

And what’s more, he’s right. For many of us, our parents fought hard to get us where we are today. Teachers fought hard for us. For every one of us, I dare say that there was someone (or multiple people) who helped us get where we are today. There are probably people in your life right now who are fighting for you – encouraging you – to be more than you currently are. Are we doing their sacrifice justice?

I can think of a few people in my life who are fighting for me, praying for me, and encouraging me to be more than I currently am – my parents, my husband, my 6 year old child, and a multitude of friends. No, I don’t do this for them. I want to do this because of them.

As of the posting of this story, the author of the Copyblogger article, Jonathon Morrow, is 27 years old and is the Associate Editor of Copyblogger and Cofounder of Partnering Profits.

Whatever will be, will be

Que Sera Sera by doeth on Flickr

A quote I saw on Twitter smacked me upside the head the other day. “I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be.” Einstein said that. And he was right.

The question is, am I willing to give up what I am? It would be so very easy to say no and stay right where I am. In a house full of clutter, overweight, unhealthy, and dreaming of having time for creative outlets. Sounds miserable, doesn’t it? But it’s not. Not entirely, anyway. It’s the routine – the known. It’s familiar and comfortable.

There are lots of little messages that I feel I’m getting from all sorts of places -music, blogs, Twitter, and even old Christmas movies.

Will I listen? Am I willing to give up what I am – unhealthy and unsatisfied, but comfortable – in order to become what I will be?

And what will I be? I sometimes look at well-decorated and clean houses and wish I could be more like Martha Stewart or June Cleaver. I had a dream once in which I was running – and it felt wonderful! I had a dream once that I was in a bed holding a baby boy and I wasn’t overweight. And it felt wonderful! I have even imagined myself speaking to a crowd of people. And it felt WONDERFUL! I have excuses, of course.

Cleaning? I’m a working mom! There’s no time! I do what has to be done and let some things slide. I’m a believer in the saying, “If you’re here to see me, come on in. If you’re here to see my house, make an appointment.” I even like “Bless this mess.”

Exercise? I already get up by 5:30 a.m., do what I can of housework deemed important (laundry, kitchen, trash, etc.) then I work 8-5, come home, eat dinner with my family, get daughter ready for bed, then my husband and I have our down time by watching TV. When would I exercise?

Eating healthy? As weak an excuse as it is, I have zero will power. I love sweets. I love food. I dare say that one of the sins I’m most guilty of is gluttony!

Speaking? What would I have to speak about that anyone would want to hear? Of course, if I honestly believed that, I doubt I would have started this blog.

There’s so much that I want to change, it’s overwhelming. For that reason, I believe I’m going to follow a little plan I saw over on Zen Habits. Actually, it was on another blog he started called 6 Changes. Why 6? Because it takes time to develop a habit. One habit at a time, one piece of each habit at a time.

I’ll have some well settled bad habits to break. I’ll need to choose cleaning over idleness. I’ll need to analyze my schedule to see when I could exercise and think outside the box on how I exercise. I’ll need to choose fruits over Little Debbie Swiss Rolls (or even Moose Tracks ice cream). I’ll need to write on here more than once a week.

I’ll need to give up what I am in order to become what I will be. Am I willing?

Sink or swim, I’m diving in!

Yesterday morning I did my typical shuffle until I find music I want to listen to on my commute in and the winner was Steven Curtis Chapman (I even skipped Van Halen – and those who know me well, know how big that is!). The first song was Dive. I love that song. I first really heard it in 2001. I was working at a church in Madison, AL and the priest wanted me to start a band. I knew NOTHING about doing that and was, basically, intimidated by it. He was wanting any and every instrument to be welcomed (which meant me writing and/or transposing music for said instruments). This in addition to planning music for services, choir, and rehearsals. Piece of cake for my music degreed self, right? Did I mention this was a part time job and I had a 40-hour “regular” job as well? Daunting! Then I heard Dive. “My heart is racing and my knees are weak as I walk to the edge. I know there is no turning back once my feet have left the ledge and in the rush, I hear a voice that’s telling me it’s time to take the leap of faith so here I go – I’m diving in, I’m going deep, in over my head I wanna be caught in the rush, lost in the flow in over my head I want to go. The river’s deep, the river’s wide, the river’s water is alive so sink or swim I’m diving in!”  It goes on to talk about the river’s supernatural power to bring the dead to life, fill an empty soul – it’s the only thing worth living and worth dying for. “But we will never know the awesome power of the grace of God until we let ourselves get swept away into this holy flood.”  I thought, “Okay. I’m gonna do it! I’m diving in!”  Unfortunately, I didn’t really. I put on a good mask, but it was just too daunting for me and, ultimately, I ended up resigning from that position.

 Back to the commute music.  Dive. Wow. What is it I am feeling the need to take a leap of faith and just dive in and do? Next up, More to this life. Again, wow. There is indeed more to this life than living and dying and trying to make it through the day. What is it that I want out of this life?  Next, This Baby. Not quite sure where that fits in other than a reminder of Christ’s life, His holiness and humanity, and what He did for me. Then Dive again! “Again?” I thought, “Wow, what are the odds? I have a ton of Steven Curtis Chapman on my iPod!” Then came The Change. “What about the change? What about the difference? I wanna live a life that’s showing I’m undergoing the change.” For women reading this, no, this is not about THE change, okay? It’s the change we should go through when we espouse to being a Christian. We have Bibles, perhaps a fish on our car and a welcome mat that says, “God Bless You,” but are we really living our lives in a way that shows others we are Christian? After all, they’ll know we are Christians by our love, right? Or are we like the rich, young ruler who follows all the commandments (yeah, right) but goes away disheartened at the thought of sacrificing in order to gain eternal life? Next song! More to This Life, but the short version this time. “Wow! Again? What are the odds?” After the other songs I’d heard this morning and other things I’m reading, it really did leave me wondering what I am doing and what I want out of this life. 

It was at church that night that I got another dose of there being more to this life and it’s why I decided on that for the name of this blog and why I decided to take a leap of faith and dive on in.

Side note: So, what are the odds of those two songs coming up twice? Apparently very good odds because I don’t have as much Steven Curtis Chapman on my iPod as I thought. Sorry, folks.

Tags: Life, Steven Curtis Chapman